my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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