Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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