oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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