just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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