just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
