i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
