did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
