She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
