I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
