we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
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remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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