i would punch a child for taco bell
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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