I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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