i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
