My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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