im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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