I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize