If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
