Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
