Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We have started to decorate penises.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
