So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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