I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
