Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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