I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
