Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
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googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
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The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
dude. I can hear the air.
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