Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
