So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
