She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
