Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
