Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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