I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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