So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
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I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
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Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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