Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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