It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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