I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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