i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
