he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
