these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
