sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
