i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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