Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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