okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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