im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
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Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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