is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
