Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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