Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
