GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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