So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
