she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
But we have bathrooms and they dont
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
