I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
