i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
