You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
