I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
