either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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